Can You Repeat the Question?
by this fish flies
Summary: Malcolm in the Middle crossover Malcolm discovers he is a wizard and is invited to study at Hogwarts. He tries to blend in and stay out of trouble, but Malcolm is Malcolm and normal is hard to achieve for the quirky genius.
1. I Like This Mess I've Made So Far

**Title: Can Your Repeat the Question?  
Summary: Malcolm discovers he is a wizard and is invited to study at Hogwarts. He tries to blend in and stay out of trouble, but Malcolm is Malcolm and normal is hard to achieve for the quirky genius.  
**** Pairings: None yet.  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine.  
****Warnings: None  
Note: The timelines will be a bit skewed to make these work together. Just like how I never explain how Malcolm, who lives on the west coast of the US is at Hogwarts. Just suspend your belief a bit, okay? It's an AU. **

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**I Like This Mess I've Made so Far**

Malcolm was surprised to get his Hogwarts letter, but he was not shocked. He had done strange things and always thought himself to be different. He thought that the cause of the difference was finally discovered when he was placed in the accelerated class, but he still felt a bit off. Sure, all of the other Krelboynes understood a bit of what he was going through, but he was not like them- and not only because he had some semblance of social skills. They were smart, but they were not _different._ Malcolm hinted at it a few times, but he only learned that a high percentage of Krelboynes believed they were being watched or that the government had singled them out for some secret program.

His class held over 89 of all the paranoia at school.

When the owl flew through the window (broken by Reese the day before) he knew what he felt was not wrong. He was fundamentally different from his classmates.

Malcolm's mother was shocked. At first she did not believe it, but Hal convinced her. Hal himself was not magical, but he had some ties to the wizarding world. His own father was a squib and his grandfather a from an old pureblood family. Hal did not even think his children would be magical at all, which was why he never talked to Lois about it. Francis and Reese were as muggle as they could get. He thought Malcolm was, too. He never saw any accidental magic.

Malcolm heard his father talking about accidental magic the day after he showed them his letter, and he finally put two and two together. Many times in the past had things happened that he could not explain: the blender exploding when it was turned off, the gutter that was fixed over night, the fiasco with the shopping carts. Many strange things had happened, but they were always attributed to other causes. Reese, Dewey, and Malcolm himself were blamed for most of it, but none ever truly claimed credit. Now understanding some of the mysteries, Malcolm did not say anything about it. His father- maybe- would understand that the accidental magic was not his fault, but his mom would not; she would punish him for every incident. His brothers would have some words with him, too. They had all been grounded for two months after the stunt with the shopping carts. Being punished for their own misdeeds was one thing- being punished for something another had done was inexcusable.

Shopping for schools supplies was, in a word, bizarre. Lois almost fainted when she saw his supply list, but Hal calmed her down. His family had a vault, he assured her. He could not use any of the money himself, as there was a clause in the will that stated that only wizards could withdraw any money, but Malcolm would be able to take at least enough for school. Hal did not tell her that wizards traded gold, nor did her take he with him when he took Malcolm shopping. He did not like keeping secrets, but seeing something you could never be a part of hurt and was cruel. He knew himself.

When Hal's father had told him stories about growing up in a wizarding household, he was enthralled. He never knew until later that his father was moved out of the main house when he was found to have no magic at eleven. Hal's father was not a disgrace, but the family never talked about him. Hal knew that the separation between muggles and wizards was a good thing. Magic was wondrous, but it was painful to see but never experience.

The shopping trip was longer than most shopping trips. For one thing, Malcolm's mother was not there to shout at him to hurry and "Don't touch anything!" Malcolm still did not touch anything- seeing a little boy's hand turn bright magenta after poking a vase had stifled that impulse. The second reason it took so long was because of how much stuff he needed. Before he never had to buy his own schoolbooks, but now he needed one for every class. Some classes required more than one.

Clothing was in a category all of itself. Malcolm didn't blink when his father told him he would need a uniform for school, but when he saw what he was expected to wear, he just gaped.

"Dad, this can't be serious," Malcolm managed to squeeze out.

"I'm sorry son, but it is," Hal avoided his son's eyes as they stood in front of the racks or robes.

"These are dresses!" Every word was pitched higher than the last.

Hal just sighed. "No, they are robes, you can see the sign. Every wizard wears them."

It took several minutes to convince Malcolm that this was not some huge scheme that Reese created. It finally took his father asking if he thought Reese could do anything this elaborate that pulled Malcolm form his daze. It was a while longer before he would be persuaded to try some on and longer still before they bought some. The tailor looked as if he wanted to get a large drink by the time they left.

Getting a familiar was troublesome, too. Malcolm wanted an owl, as any boy who entered the shop did, but getting one was not the best idea. His family was not good at keeping pets alive, and something as large as an owl would starve quickly over summer. The cost played into it, too. A cat was out of the question. A toad was the only thing feasible, but when his dad mentioned it Malcolm just glowered. A toad just seemed so _blah. _It was not much of a pet. In the end they settled on getting salamander. It was not a proper salamander, the shop owner told them, but just a hybrid muggle/wizard salamander bred for intelligence. Malcolm was fine with that, as it looked as if the salamander could understand him. Hal was just glad that his son did not have yet another thing that could set fire or explode. Malcolm had named it Seymour, as it seemed appropriate with his Krelboyne past.

His wand was unremarkable, or so the wand maker said. It was strange to find a wand made with the wood from a fig tree, but it was not abnormal. The core of a unicorn hair was usually better suited for a girl, but there was no accounting for how the wand chose the wizard. Malcolm almost resented the fact that he had a girl's wand, but the spirals of green that shot forth and swirled to the floor forestalled any argument.

This was what he had been waiting for, Malcolm could sense it. The magic crackled around him and put all of his worries at ease, at least for now. He still had a few weeks until school started.

The weeks before Hogwarts started were not easy ones. Reese thought he had to fit in a whole year's worth of beatings before Malcolm left. Malcolm tried to stay out of his way, but nothing put Reese off when he had a plan.

Dewey would not stop crying. When he figured out that Malcolm would be going away he threw a tantrum; he had done the same for Francis. His tantrum for Malcolm was longer, if only for the fact that Dewey would be left alone Reese. That was not a favorable situation.

It was by common agreement that Dewey would not know why Malcolm was going to a different school. He would not understand the need to stay silent about magic. Malcolm tried to argue for Dewey's inclusion, but no one agreed with him. Dewey was famous for his outlandish lies and fantastical stories. Even if he told anyone that Malcolm had gone to a magic school, no one would believe him.

When he was dropped off at the train station, Lois gave him the standard "Stay out of trouble" speech. That speech was several minutes long in their family and the boys had it almost memorized. Lois added several clauses to the end, to fit the situation. The warning about misusing his magic was long, and she quoted phrases she had taken from a Ministry pamphlet.

It was almost enough to make Malcolm think twice, but he was used to dire threats. He just had to be sure not to get caught.

Malcolm's father told him about the platform- He himself had seen it, and had just enough magic in his blood not to be distracted by the anti-muggle charms. The thought of running through a brick wall made his head ache, but that would be Malcolm's problem, not his.

Malcolm was not concerned. He knew how much it hurt to run into a wall, and was not too bothered by it. The fact that he would go through it outweighed the pain it would cause if it did not work.

It did work.

The train ride was what Malcolm had expected- mind numbing boredom. He sat in a compartment with three other first years, but they hardly talked. The one girl asked one of the boys to help her with her trunk and the other boy had mentioned how nice it was out, but that was all. He didn't pay them any attention. Malcolm had open his Potions book, but he was not reading it. He had placed a comic book inside. He had looked over his schoolbooks once, and he thought that was enough for now. He didn't need to memorize everything, just get an overview. It was a school, they would not start with anything hard. Malcolm was adept at slacking. He had learned form Francis and later Reese. Only, he did it much better as he had brains to go along. Studying had never been necessary, he could just coast along. It was a bit different in Krelboyne, but he wouldn't have to worry about accelerated classes at Hogwarts, nor would he have to worry about people harping about him not "reaching his potential" as his teachers had. He was glad Hogwarts did not get a copy of his school records or any of his tests score. Being normal- or as normal as you could be at a _wizard_ school- would be nice.

Malcolm had a little more self control than Reese, so when they were warned not to rock the boat on the lake he did not. He was in the same boat with the two boys and the girl from the train. They were even quieter on the boat than they were on the train. As they didn't talk much before they were silent now. The boat glided across the black water towards Hogwarts.

Hogwarts was breathtaking. It was not what Malcolm would call beautiful by any means, but it was amazing. Towers and spires shot above the squat shape that was the castle. Torches were lit and cast shadows in the recesses and alcoves. Malcolm could almost see some sort of face taking shape.As they moved even closer the true scale of the castle was apparent. What had first looked only a few stories tall towered over him. It loomed. Malcolm had never felt something loom over him, but Hogwarts did.

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Endnote: The original drabble is now being rewritten into a longer story. So far it is much, much better than the short thing there was before. So and C+C or reviews of any kind would be lovely.

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	2. This Day Will Soon Be At An End

**Title: Can Your Repeat the Question?  
Summary: Malcolm discovers he is a wizard and is invited to study at Hogwarts. He tries to blend in and stay out of trouble, but Malcolm is Malcolm and normal is hard to achieve for the quirky genius.  
**** Pairings: None yet.  
Rating: T  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine.  
Warnings: None  
Note: The timelines will be a bit skewed to make these work together. Just like how I never explain how Malcolm, who lives on the west coast of the US is at Hogwarts. Just suspend your belief a bit, okay? It's an AU. **

* * *

**This Day Will Soon Be at an End**

The stairs were wide and cold. The wall sconces held more torches but they did not manage to brighten the ceiling. The walls just faded into a blank gray nothing above. They were met at the entrance by a stern woman who quickly started talking. She was interrupted by a boy with a toad, but she just looked at him sternly and continued. When she explained the house system, Malcolm sighed. His first day and they were already categorizing them. This did not look good.

The lady left them to wait to be Sorted. People whispered about how this would happen, but it was all hearsay and supposition. Malcolm shifted from one foot to the other, becoming inpatient. Towards the front of the line a fight seemed to break out. It was quick, as the woman came back and broke it up. She once again had her stern look. She probably didn't have any other expressions.

As they continued on, ghosts flew through the doors ahead. They swooped over them, talking to each other. This concerned Malcolm, because he knew from TV that if ghosts haunted a place, it was the place where they died. It was not fun to think that people had died at his school.

The doors opened and the students trailed after the ghosts. Beyond the doors was a large room with five tables, four which held students and one with what looked to be teachers. Malcolm could not make up his mind where to look first, so he just stared at the head of he kid in front of him. He would get through his Sorting and then gawk.

Everyone turned from looking at the new children to a stool the lady brought out. On top she placed a- hat? _They can't be serious,_ Malcolm thought. Just then, it began to move, and then sang.

Malcolm listened to the song intently. It was his new rule for himself- if something inanimate started to talk, pay attention. Whatever it said would be important. Or, if it was evil, run away. That was a rule all by itself. Malcolm had watched enough horror movies to understand evil objects and cursed treasures. For once he could use all of his useless knowledge for good.

The Sorting Hat- "Brilliant name," Malcolm scoffed under his breath- had finished it's song. The names of the students were called up as they each took a turn with the old dusty hat. When "Harry Potter" was called, the room went quiet. Malcolm did not know why. The boy, Harry, took a long time with the hat. His lips moved as if he was talking, but he was not loud enough to be heard by anyone but the hat.

Thinking about a hat hearing momentarily distracted Malcolm.

The hat cried out "GRYFFINDOR!" and the Gryffindor table exploded in applause. They had been clapping before, but this was much more enthusiastic. The Harry kid must be well known or popular, Malcolm supposed. He did not give it much thought, as there were hardly any students left.

Malcolm stood, contemplating which house he would enter. Just from the explanation the Hat gave, he would put himself in Ravenclaw. Grades had always been important to him, as was knowledge for knowledge's sake. The Ravenclaws were the Krelboyne's of Hogwarts. He was destined to join them. Malcolm watched the Hat shout out names and tables applaud. Even if everyone was being separated, it was a nice welcome. For children like him, who had never before even heard of the magical world, it was a positive introduction. For people who hated school it could almost trick them into liking it.

There was only one boy left besides Malcolm when his named was called. He walked to the stool, sat down, and placed the battered hat on his head.

"Ah-" Malcolm heard. He jumped. It was one thing to see a hat talk, but a totally different sensation to hearing it talk _inside your head._ The Hat continued as if nothing happened, "So you think you fated for Ravenclaw. You would do fine there, but I think you are a better fit for HUFFLEPUFF!"

Malcolm was startled. He had not though of being in Hufflepuff at all. He could almost see how he could be a Gryffindor or even a Slytherin with his past of misbehavior with his brothers, but Hufflepuff seemed odd. He did not think he was overly loyal at all. He would not even say he was a bit loyal. As to being "just"... Malcolm could laugh. His new house clapped as he sat among them. With the yellow and black surrounding him he felt as if he was inside a beehive. Everyone was moving and is was disorienting.

The headmaster Dumbledore gave a speech and then did something that Malcolm could appreciate as one of four boys- he began the feast. Malcolm stilled his hand and did not grab like he was at home, but he still ate a bit faster than others. Being conditioned to eat everything on his plate before it was grabbed by an overzealous brother was a hard habit to break. He could not lose it fully, as then he would starve over the summer.

Sitting in the bright golden hall, surrounded by children, Malcolm came to a shining realization- there was no Mom here. Ever action would not be subject to her eye. He would not be punished for no reason except that he looked like he could have done something. He was free of Lois. Her tyrannical hands could not reach him here.

He had more freedom than Francis and even less supervision. There were no phones, so he would not have to call every week. Letters never gave away anything, there was no tremble in voice you could detect in a letter. All he had to do was not screw up so badly his parents would be informed. His mother had no way to contact his teachers to ask them questions, so he could get away with murder as long as he was circumspect.

Malcolm smiled. This would be even better than he had first thought. He had yet to do even the simplest of spells, but he felt as if he had experienced some great ritual. As he followed the Hufflepuff prefect down to their rooms he was at peace.

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Endnote: This is coming along fairly fast, for me. From the original drabble I have a nice outline and since I am following the first book I know where I am going. I'm also having a lot of fun with this. Let me know what you think. This is the first (and only) Malcolm in the Middle X Harry Potter crossover, so I need some constructive criticism. And this is my first MITM fanfic of any kind. All feedback is appreciated. 


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